Going Hiigara
by cmopatrick
Summary: Saga of Pa'drag of H'ar. It follows his experiences from Mothership launch as the survivors go Hiigara, following the single player campaign & even using some of the lines from Karan S'jet and Fleet Intel. My first attempt at FF from early 2000; I'm reformatting it to standard use; I'm only posting edited/updated chapters when/as I can, but it remains a work in progress.
1. Inauguration Day

**I am Pa'drag of Kiith H'ar with loyalty to Qu'men Naabal-sa. I write this to remind myself. I write this to honor my father, Na'gaehl, who died today when this enemy destroyed Kharak. He will not be remembered in the annals, but he lived a good life; I pray he died quickly. I write this in fear that I may not be remembered if I do not.**

**…...**

**Day of Inauguration:**

**We had painted and polished the hull for days sitting like verrin in the tiny service pods. Ensign To'cha, the ship's master, wanted to make points with the brass from fleet; I guess he felt slighted to be assigned the collector instead of a warcraft, but he was not going to let the three of us forget who was in command on his ship. I felt sorry for him, though, when captain Solch'na of Kiith Sjet stepped aboard just before separation.**

**...**

**"Captain on the bridge!" Jo'ha hollered, and we all struggled to stand and salute the towering figure of a fleet captain in our cramped control cabin.**

**"At ease, crewmen. Ensign To'cha, your ship is prepared?"**

**"Oh, yes, Sir," beamed the ensign, "and I am glad to welcome your inspection, Sir."**

**"Ensign To'cha, walk with me."**

**"Sir?"**

**"Need I repeat myself? Walk with me, now!"**

**I do not believe I had ever seen the ensign move soooo fast.**

**...**

**The captain would command the ship through the initial trials near scaffold. Our ensign went from beaming to livid by the time they returned. With only 4 seats in the control cabin, his embarrassment only begun...**

**"Ensign, take the steer."**

**"Uh, Sir, I am not qualified at steer."**

**"WHAT?! Not qualified to STEER YOUR OWN SHIP?!"**

**"Ummm, no Sir." Under his breath, I hear him mutter, "I'm supposed to command it."**

**"What was that, ensign?"**

**"No, Sir, I am not qualified there..."**

**"Are you qualified at ops or acquisition?"**

**"Well, no Sir, but you see..."**

**"Get off this bridge. See that you learn these posts or you will not command any craft above garbage pod."**

**...**

**To be honest, I did not notice anything special during separation itself. There were apparently fireworks and speeches, but we dared not switch comm channel to watch. Fleet Command's melodious voice had me dreaming when the captain's orders rang through the cabin to do the jobs we knew so well.**

**"Steer, take us out. As soon as we clear the flight bay, scan for and acquire the test asteroid. No autopilot, either, steersman; show them how it's done by a real pilot."**

**"Yes, Sir."**

**"Ops, Evasive at tactic. All communications to Scaffold 24."**

**"Yes, Sir."**

**"Acquisition, ready your field gens and harvest on arrival."**

**"Yes, Sir."**

**"Sing out, Steer."**

**"Sir?"**

**"Son, all Kharak is listening. It is your job to pilot, it is also your honor to announce to our waiting world just who we are and where we are going. Take pride in this moment, your voice will be the first those waiting ears hear after Fleet Command herself."**

**"Yes, Sir."**

**"Fleet Command, this is resource controller Nosha, we have cleared Mothership and are beginning manual acquisition of the test asteroid."**

**...**

**We cleanly acquired and harvested the test. We returned and docked down our load. The captain watched, but said little more other than to order us to our place at parade while other, more glamorous trials progressed. When the dock order came just minutes before our first jump, he simply nodded to me and I turned control over to DockCon.**

**"Well done, Steer. What is your name, son?"**

**"Pa'drag of Kiith H'ar, Sir."**

**"I will remember, Steersman Pa'drag"**

**"Thank you, Sir."**

**...**

**And he was gone. Strangely, so was the ensign... the officer's cabin showed occupied. After hyperspace, we heard him once as he gave the order to auto harvest, but we never saw him again. We joked for a while about him getting put back a step, but all of us felt sort of sorry for him. **

**Then the attack came...**

**"Hey Pa'd, check this... I have sensor marks AHEAD of us." His voice takes on a surprised quality, "Man are they flying."**

**Bohan chimed in, "probably just fighter jocks cut loose and showing off..."**

**"OH MAN, LOOK! That looks like the Khar Salim..."**

**"It's been WASTED!"**

**I finally found my voice, "Ensign to the bridge! We have a problem, sir!"**

**"I have seven bogeys coming in at 12 by 2... and..."**

**The siren and slamming pressure door drowned him out.**

**"Fleet Command, Fleet Command, this is the Nosha, we are under attack!" I shout, "Jo'ha, get the asteroid screen up, NOW! Bohan, set a service pod to auto and have it go."**

**Jo'ha sprang to life and our view was cut off, to be replaced by the virtuview. Bohan barely moved, but I knew those hands had just given the ai the needed orders. At that moment I heard Fleet Command announce that Mothership herself was under attack.**

**"Fleet Command, this is the nosha. we need assistance."**

**Fleet Intelligence answered, "FI here, what is your status, ensign?"**

**"Sir, Steersman Pa'drag of the Nosha, we have hull breach in main crew compartment. The ensign was temporarily out of the control deck when we were surprised. He may have made the emergency airlock, but we have no comm with him. I have screens up and we are attempting to make repairs. Should we return to Mothership, Sir?"**

**"Steersman Pa'drag, field promotion to command of your vessel until debrief. We need all the resources we can get, can you hold out long enough to get everything out there?"**

**I looked at the other two, more resources meant more fighters at Mothership. Both seemed to understand and I answered, "not much left to get but we'll get what's left, Sir."**

**"Proceed, Steersman. Return when done. Fighter squadron delta is enroute to give you cover."**

**"Thank you, Sir. Oh, Sir, may we patch through the vid of the Khar Salim?"**

**"You can see it?"**

**"What's left of it, Sir..."**

**...**

**We made it back without much further contact, the fighters and the sleek new monsters called "heavy corvettes" got the rest of the excitement. We parked close to Mothership after last dockdown. The crew-deck breach repaired, we checked for the ensign, but he was gone. Three large metal spheres had ripped a 10 foot hole in the side of the ship just below the office's bunk. We have not told fleet why he was not in the control cabin.**

**Shaken, we talked quietly as we checked our systems. The titanial asteroid screen had 2 large dents in it, but it had held. The outer hull had 14 small ruptures and two larger ones, but the reactor shielding had held and the resource containment field had only the slightest fluctuation. All together, I though the ship had held up well.**

**Space no longer seemed a grand adventure. Someone or something had gutted the Khar Salim and taken a pretty good shot at us. In addition to the ensign, four fighter pilots did not return to dock. Between research developments and our resources, we were able to mount superior force, but the beauty and peace that I had dreamed about in deep space seemed as distant as total trust between Kiithid. We could not wait to get back to scaffold to repair and strengthen. Something about the dock seemed wrong, though, when Fleet Intelligence came onto comm and ordered all crews to remain in their craft while docked and to launch on return to normal space. I was not debriefed, so I remained in command of the Nosha.**

**But none of us were prepared for what awaited...**

**...**

**"All ships, auto launch."**

**Ah, what a beautiful voice... and I mean that only in the most respectful way, Fleet Command, just in case you are reading this as I enter it.**

**"Something's wrong..."**

**"All craft to secure channels by class." **

**I had never heard that voice before, but as it was obviously not meant as a request, "Jo'ha, comms to secure 6, evasive at tactic."**

**"Hey Pa'd, I show resources on scan over where...," Bohan's voice died as we looked out at the desolation. "oh, my God..., " was all he could get out.**

**"Jo'ha, screens up." **

**Somehow the virtuview did not seem as real.**

**FI jolted us back to reality, "Nosha, we need resources and show dust fields in the wreckage. We are depending on you. Good luck."**

**"Yes, Sir, resources down range."**

**...**

**We gathered amid the debris field that was once scaffold. None of us moved beyond the needed, we hardly spoke. A battle raged within sight, but we were not the target... the colonists in cryo were. Yet our prompt response is credited with getting 2 extra salvages out in time to grab the enemy while our fighters strove to distract the ungainly monsters (they are easily bigger than the Nosha). Refit must have been in overdrive, because three of the things were available for duty before we could even finish harvesting. Salvage teams rescued 600,000 of the original million from cryo.**

**Below us, our families, our friends, our homes, everything we had ever known burned in inferno. There was no hope of survivors. It was as if the whole of Kharak was a burning ball of yourd tar like I had as a youngster on mid h'ots night. We would not look, but we could not tear ourselves away from the sight. After the enemy was captured, we lowered the screens, but it did not make me feel better. I felt as if a cavernous void was sucking at my brain. I felt like I had been eating rotten bolosh. I felt that the ensign was the lucky one, shattered in space before seeing this.**

**Angel Karan... errr... Fleet Command (sorry, Ma'am) came on comm and gave the dock order. We numbly followed her order and DockCon took over. Docked, we stumbled to debrief. There were many questions, but I don't honestly remember them; they asked, we answered. Then we were told to return to Mothership crew quarters. We went. I tried to sleep. Finally, I began to enter this, and now my body is ready to succumb to exhaustion. May tomorrow be better...**


	2. Inauguration plus 1

**My life changed again today. It began inauspiciously enough...**

**...**

**"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUGGGGGG GGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"**

**From the bunk beneath me a thrashing strangled screaming interrupted my own nightmare of horrible creatures with huge fangs butchering and devouring my father.**

**"No No NOO NNOOOOOOOOOO!"**

**It was Jam'el of Kiith Soban. two years my senior, he had only been mated last hot; we all knew she had gone down to kharak for her last visit with Kiith... she had been expecting their first. We were all tumbling out of our beds to get to him...**

**"HHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEELLLL LLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPP MMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE E! NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"**

**He was kicking, punching, gouging, and biting anyone or anything that touched him. Jam'el had served patku-sa as bodyguard, he was dangerous and we knew it. Then he kicked the metal frame of our bunk and we heard bones shatter. He woke, then passed out. Malek grabbed his sheet and wrapped it around the ghastly wound and four of us carried Jam'el to sick bay.**

**...**

**All around us, young and old, even the most battle hardened graybeards wept; some openly, some into their pillows. I wept as I carried him. Malek, big, ugly, ancient Malek bawled like a child as he held the makeshift bandage in place.**

**How can we not weep? Millions were swept away. Our people. Kiithid aside, we were truly all of one blood, sons and daughters of Sajuuk. Kharak had been home for thousands of cycles... now it was no more.**

**The doctors took Jam'el, and dismissed us. They looked exhausted themselves and I noticed the patient chambers were packed. This would be a long road to hiigara.**

**...**

**"Pa'drag of the lesser Kiith H'ar, Steersman of the Nosha?" It was two burly security officers with the mark of S'jet and a look of those not used to being argued with.**

**And I was in no state to argue, "Yes, Sirs?"**

**"You will come with us."**

**...**

**I was terrified. Perhaps Fleet Command had read what I entered last night and had taken offense. With us all on blade-edge, what fate could befall me? I could no more fight my way out of this that I could rescue my father.**

**We entered lifts. We paced corridors. They walked with the long strides of sandsmen, I was almost running to keep up. Just as I was about to collapse, one final portal slid open and I was ordered to sit at a long table. **

**The room was empty except for my escort/guards, and a pale man sitting at the end of the table. Fleet Intelligence. One of the dark room types. He motioned me to sit at the seat of least honor, then smiled when I refused. The guards were behind me before I knew they had moved, but he waved them away.**

**...**

**"Choose your seat, then, but chose wisely." The voice was smooth but firm, he knew command, I had no doubt.**

**I was too tired, and blurted "thank you, Sir, but if I may ask, what have I done?"**

**"Much has happened since yesterday morning. I will forgive your insolence if you sit NOW!"**

**I grabbed the chair in front of me and sat. I wasn't strategically placed, about a third of a table length away from him with my back to the door.**

**"We have found some interesting things while reviewing the Nosha's control comm recordings."**

**My heart sank. My stomach had not recovered from yesterday, but it churned all the harder. What had we said? What had we done?**

**"Your ensign was not on the bridge when you were attacked. Why?"**

**"Sir, as far as we knew, he had officer stuff to do. He stayed in contact. He ordered the harvest..."**

**"Did he come to the bridge during launch?"**

**"No, Sir, but he..."**

**"Yes or no will DO. Do you understand, Steersman?"**

**"Yes, Sir."**

**"Did he come to the bridge during launch?"**

**"No, Sir."**

**"Did he so much as stick his head in the control room after he was dismissed?"**

**"Well, No Sir, but..."**

**His hand moved and I was lifted bodily from my chair. Both my knees encountered the tabletop with great force and greater pain.**

**"Yes or no?" he asked with seeming calm.**

**"No, Sir."**

**I fell into a pile across my chair then tumbled the rest of the way onto the polished floor.**

**"Are you a member of this fleet or a mere infant?"**

**I pulled myself back to a semi-upright position and replied, "Yes, Sir."**

**Now the smile was genuine. "That was the right answer, Steersman."**

**"Did you give orders to your crewmates BEFORE Fleet Intelligence had given you command of your vessel?"**

**Now I knew I was in trouble.**

**"Yes, Sir."**

**"Do you actually outrank either of the other crewmembers?"**

**"No, Sir".**

**"Now think about this next answer very carefully..."**

**I dreaded the next question, but knew I had done the best I could. I sat up as tall as I could and faced him...**

**"Did you know that your ship recordings indicate that less than fifteen seconds after the asteroid screens were up that two rounds of enemy fire slammed into them at a level that would have meant certain death to all your control crew if they had not been up?"**

**Suddenly, I was not afraid. Only then did I become aware that there were now others in the room.**

**"No, Sir."**

**"Good command presence, Ensign: you though of the good of your ship. We followed all of the recordings..."**

**"Um, Sir, I am a..."**

**"Shut up, Ensign, and let him finish." The voice behind me was kind of familiar, but I dared not turn to see who it was.**

**"Yes, Sir."**

**"As I was saying, we followed all of the recordings from separation through debrief. You not only showed a good command presence, but you showed loyalty to your superiors, and loyalty to the fleet. We have reviewed your record. We know you are only nineteen cycles, unmated, passed first level pilot exams 17 in 50, not able to pass the physicals to fly the new "Mit" class fighter, willing to serve where needed. We need good officers, who can think and act appropriately, and you are now one."**

**"Thank you, Si..."**

**"YES SIR WILL DO! we are not done yet, by any means."**

**"Yes, Sir."**

**Now the room was full... officers of great rank filled about the table. For the first time in my adult life I saw with my own eyes four Kiith-sa including my own, Qu'men Naabal-sa. I stood and backed away from my chair... and I began to be frightened by the sheer gravity of the men and women around me.**

**...**

**"Now, Ensign, choose your seat and chose wisely."**

**I looked around, but saw that all had been taken except the seat of greatest honor.**

**"Sir, if I may?"**

**"Yes, Ensign?"**

**"I would choose the seat of lowest honor, but I do not find it unoccupied and dare not ask its occupant to move. since I do not deserve the remaining seat, would you take it and may I then have yours?"**

**The room roared with laughter. I didn't think it was so funny, but it seems we were all waiting for something to break our tension and I had blundered onto it.**

**"Well spoken, Ensign, take my chair" he chuckled between guffaws.**

**Her voice interrupted our mirth.**

**"Congratulations, Ensign Pa'drag. Welcome to Fleet staff. Now we need to ask you a few questions."**

**I have to admit that that I was dumbfounded that Karan S'jet herself had spoken directly to me, much less personally congratulated me on my promotion. It was like mother's milk to a baby's tired body. The questions that followed covered my skills at steersman, my comfort with the large body (at least compared with the fighters and corvettes) collector, my Naabal training in avionics and spatials, my fleet training in tactics and strategy. Yet I fairly swam through them, floating along on the quiet beauty of her voice. Finally She, Herself, explained...**

**"We have a desperate need ensign. We do not have enough combat pilots as it is and we now have three frigate class ships unlike anything our current combat pilots have even trained for. When we tried to get them into combat yesterday, the officers, good pilots in their classes mind you, had trouble handling such "bulky" craft. Furthermore, the craft themselves had to be refitted for control assemblies the original makers did not intend..."**

**A chuckle rose around the room.**

**"Ours."**

**"Yes, Ma'am."**

**"You seem best skilled to take operational command of one of these craft while we train new crews to use them and similar class ships that we will build. Your duties will include training both ship's command staff and crew with these craft. Oh, and based on yesterdays experiences, you will be expected to be ready to lead your ship into combat in less than twenty-four hours. We want your craft to escort the Nosha when it begins collection runs tomorrow. Can you handle these duties, Ensign?"**

**"Um, yes, Ma'am. I th..."**

**"Field promotion to lieutenant, second officer to assault frigate squadron commander Arriel of Kiithid Naabal with direct command of AF-T-702, orders transferred to your id. If you have crew recommendations, submit them by ordpad. By the way, your ship is unnamed, have you a name for it?"**

**"Na'gaehl, for my father."**

**"It is the na'gaehl then. Honor his memory at its helm. Any questions, Lieutenant Pa'drag?"**

**"Umm, where's my ship?"**

**The room broke loose again. It was so loud I barely heard her answer.**

**"Shuttle to Na'gaehl awaiting your arrival in berth 17 of main docking bay. You are dismissed"**

**...**

**I limped down the hall with my two sjet escorts and wished I had not hit the table top; my knees were both killing me, but I was not about to show it. As we walked, one handed me an officer's tunic with lieutenant's sleeves and emblazoned with Naabal over H'ar. The other handed me a com pack and order pad. That ordpad was a true wonder: not even aboard, but i could already see the Na'gaehl's systems and status. 'Officer stuff' indeed... damn, isn't technology great?**

**...**

**"Officer in the hall!"**

**I snapped to attention with the rest of the crews, only to realize they were saluting me.**

**"Umm, at ease. Hey it's me..."**

**The disbelief was obvious.**

**"Man, what happened to you?"**

**"I saw them S'jet sec and figured you were a gonner..."**

**"Yeah, and Jo'ha was so scared he ducked into the laundry..."**

**"And the locater said your location was 'sensitive'..."**

**"What the hell happened?"**

**"Congratulations, Sir." It was Jo'ha. **

**The "sir" part made me nervous, but I suddenly knew. "Up to a challenge?"**

**"With you? Heellll yeaah."**

**...**

**The day flew by. We reached the Na'gaehl with our gear and stowed it, then set madly about to learn the ship and help our crew learn it too. Fleet Command was not joking about the inexperience; most of my crew had never been outside of Mothership or scaffold. Even I had trouble at first getting helm to respond right. Then I requested Bohan's transfer and he hacked the interface into something more crew friendly. **

**Our enemy must be physically like us, but think in radically different ways. The areas refit had interpreted as command staff on the bridge were originally designed for creatures in what we would consider a prone position. To install our heads-up consoles meant we were sandwiched in tighter that a packet of Patku mealfish.**

**And the surprises today were many...**

**"Assault frigate Squadron Commander Arriel of Kiithid Naabal requests permission to board, Sir."**

**It took me a minute to remember that I was the "Sir" being addressed, after all, I had worked for a living myself.**

**"Sir?"**

**"Yes? I'm sorry, I missed your question."**

**"Yes, Sir. Assault frigate Squadron Commander Arriel of Kiithid Naabal requests permission to board, Sir."**

**"Permission granted... and what is your name, crewman?"**

**"Pol'taur of Kiith Patku, Sir."**

**"Very good, carry on."**

**"Thank you, Sir."**

**This "sir" thing was going to drive me nuts... and I didn't know the half of it.**

**"Commander on the bridge!"**

**I looked up and was suprised to see a girl, not even my age, bearing commander's rank and having the obvious confidence of having earned it.**

**"Arriel of Naabal, welcome to the Na'gaehl. May we learn by your presence."**

**"Pa'drag of H'ar, I was told you were soft spoken, it is a credit to your Kiith and your father Na'gaehl."**

**"Thank you, Ma'am. How might we serve you?"**

**"Show us how to use these clumsy slugs better than our enemy does, Lieutenant."**

**...**

**Arriel of Naabal was an avid and forgiving student and our crews proved to be the same. By the end of the day her three craft, including the Na'gaehl, were able to move smoothly in formation and decimate target drones with ease. **

**My crew showed me great honor as we experimented with each of the positions to improve them. Jo'ha told me later that he had overheard our new Steerswoman and Weapons Ops wondering between themselves about an officer who "works with his crew" (kind of a scandal, huh) and being thankful for their transfers away from their previous command staff.**

**Oh, and I put Bohan in for promotion to ensign for my engineering officer and Jo'ha in for promotion to ensign for my second in command.**

**...**

**"Fleet Command to Na'gaehl, promotions approved. Congratulations ensigns Jo'ha and Bohan. Welcome to Fleet staff."**

**Ah, I could listen to her voice forever... **

**…..**

**The voices I heard most of the night were those laden with sorrow; first in my dreams and later in the cries of my crew. **

**I slept poorly, the recurrent nightmare had me sitting at the helm of this craft but hovering above my old home firing on it; then when I looked in the mirror I had become a monster myself, long of fang and claw with evil eyes.**

**I got up and reviewed the crew records. My youngest crewmember was just 15 cycles, while my oldest was reactor chief at 39. Except for Jo'ha, none had ever even trained for combat, planetary or space.**

**I also checked my new commander's record. She had not only been a pilot, but was a fighter trainer before yesterday's events. She has already been decorated for three separate missions yesterday, including the new "Star of Kharak" for her command of a wing of heavy corvettes in drawing fire away from a crippled salvage corvette.**

**...**

**"Officer on the bridge!"**

**"At ease, all."**

**"Problems, Sir?" asked the chief I had put in charge for off watch.**

**"It seems as if the whole ship is crying, Chief. Not that it is not understandable, just troubling."**

**"Aye, Sir. Nothing like this has ever happened to us... how can we not weep?"**

**"Yes, but our tears must not weary us for our duty. Am I patient enough with the crew?"**

**The old chief looked surprised to hear an officer ask such, then smiled, "you are doing pretty well for staff... but, if I may be so bold?"**

**"Speak freely, Chief."**

**"They are green to battle, but trust you to lead them. They are afraid, but have a well of anger also just beneath. You will need to show both firm control and fatherly guidance..."**

**"Father? Many of these a older than I."**

**"Yes, but all know you have already lead a crew safely through fire. They trust you, but you must be careful with trust."**

**"Thank you, Chief. May your watch be quiet."**

**"Thank you, Sir. May your sleep be sound."**

**I heard a crewmember crying as I paced back to bed. Perhaps the old chief knew some magic, for I am very sleepy...**


	3. Bentusi

**I regained consciousness this afternoon. My burnt face and arm scream as the new grafts heal. My broken jaw has been rebuilt, three ribs wired, and my left arm appears to have been reattached with replacement bones (bet I can't go through a metal detector now). The doctors have little time to spend with me (I am no longer in the most critical condition), but I have been debriefed by staff as well. The Na'gaehl appears to be in good hands, so I have been granted the rest of the day to recuperate.**

**However, I get ahead of myself; let me go back to... Inauguration + 2.**

**We got an earlier start than expected. FI notified the group that Nosha's new crew was ready to harvest 5 hours before we had originally expected them to be. Commander Arriel got the order at 0435 to move our group out to guard it and the new resource controller Son'ya. The Son'ya was even bigger than our frigates, a new wonder from Fleet research and the first ship from Mothership's greatship foundry.**

**...**

**"Officer on the bridge!"**

**"At ease, all. Chief, call to battle stations, we have orders."**

**"Yes, Sir."**

**As the claxons sounded through the ship, the Na'gaehl sprang to life. From the emergency battle bridge Jo'ha called in, "EBB manned and online, Sir."**

**"Good morning, Ensign, sleep good?"**

**"No offense, Sir, but you're joking, right?"**

**I had forgotten that i had had jo'ha working late with fleet to help confirm the accuracy of the new training sim for these AF-T.**

**"Sorry, Jo'ha. how late were you up?"**

**"Just got to bed an hour ago, Sir."**

**"I see nothing on sensors, so this shouldn't be a big deal. I'll send the chief down and you get some sleep, Ok?"**

**"Thanks, Sir."**

**...**

**The bridge filled with crew, consoles lit up with blues and greens as systems were taken from auto to manual, and the main drives began a throaty growl.**

**Our ships glided to an "x" formation with Commander Arriel's ship Gal'taan at low point, the Somat N'cal under Lieutenant Shomace of Kiith Gaalsien at upper left, and my Na'gaehl at upper right. we moved out cautiously, but under normal tactical controls. Also joining us guarding the resource pair was an "x" of 15 of the new "Gnug" class heavy corvettes and their 2 "Healer" class repair corvettes. The Nosha headed for the top of an asteroid column with all of us following like nosdung after a belldung.**

**Just before reaching the column, FI ordered us to change course and had us position just outside the column's boundaries and about halfway down its length. We were just overkill and Fleet knew it.**

**...**

**"Gal'taan to Somat N'cal and Na'gaehl. Evasive tactical stance. Comms to secure 7."**

**I am not an expert on women, but it sounded like Commander Arriel was bored spitless.**

**"Ops?"**

**"Done, Sir."**

**"Na'gaehl at evasive, Ma'am."**

**"Thank you, Lieutenant."**

**"Somat N'cal at evasive, Ma'am," cackled through my headset as Lt. Shomace reported.**

**"Thank you, Lieutenant."**

**I zoomed my console view in to watch the nosha dock her load down to the Son'ya. Unlike dockdown with Mothership, it was more like a dance as each moved to best position clear of the spinning asteroids around them. Even if it was all autopilot, it still looked far more complex than anything we had tried when I was Steer on her. It all looked so effortless...**

**...**

**"Sir, I have unidentified sensor contact at 10:05 by 2:10."**

**Moments later, Fleet Intel broadcast to all comms, "long range sensors detect a mothership class mass signature..."**

**Commander Arriel covered our comms, "group seven to guard the Son'ya."**

**I followed with, "Red alert! Crew to full ready!"**

**"Yes, Sir."**

**"Weapons charged and ready, Sir."**

**Our vids all started to show the monstrosity; at almost the same time two different crew said, "wwwwoooooowwwww," in a mindboggled whisper.**

**Ops reported, "Sir, you won't believe this, but it is moving faster than our fighters can... and power readings on it are max greenbar."**

**"Oh no. I feel sick," someone moaned as the behemoth passed close enough to see its lights blazing from behind.**

**"Stick to your jobs, people. It'll be Ok."**

**"This is Commander Arriel to the crews of battle group seven. We do not know what to expect, but we are prepared for battle. Each of you knows well enough how to do your job. I know most of you have not been in battle, but i trust your skill and your love of our people. When in doubt, trust you officers; I do."**

**Fleet Intel broke in moments later, "all groups, normal tactics. The ambassador is enroute to make first contact, but be prepared."**

**A strange and almost alien voice says over the clear channel, "We are the Bentusi..."**

**...**

**I muted the general broadcast channel for my headset and listened to ship channels as Nosha continued to harvest. If these Bentusi were enemies, I couldn't see how we could stop them. Surrender would not be an option, though, and to have any chance at all we needed resources that only the collector and controller could give us.**

**While it seemed like an eternity waiting and watching the Nosha eating asteroids while the leaders of our people worked out a relationship with the Bentusi, it was actually just ten minutes before we picked up the raiders...**

**...**

**"Sir, I have unidentified sensor contact at 12 by 2:30."**

**Behind us, the Bentusi were suddenly gone in a shimmering golden hyperspace wave.**

**"Group 7, Aggressive. Incoming hostile craft, fire at will."**

**Two new gnugs joined their "x", then all seventeen wheeled up and away towards the incoming signals. We all waited for our turn.**

**"Six fighters and corvettes at 3800m on 12 by 4."**

**"They are firing on the Nosha"**

**"Group six under attack."**

**"Enemy in range."**

**"Mass cannon, fire at will."**

**"Mass cannon firing"**

**...**

**It was a unique sensation. The ship didn't "buck" like the Mit pilots talk about, but there definitely was a new vibration. It was as if a deep drum was being played to a raspy staccato beat.**

**I switched the main vid to the tactical control view and we watched the red cross hair track onto several of the fast moving fighters. Suddenly, the bridge was energized.**

**"Ssir, the fighters are too fast for us."**

**"Tthen kill the corvettes"**

**"Yes, sir."**

**"More enemy units at 7 by 10:25."**

**The Gnugs flashed by chasing hapless enemy fighters; as the fighters slowed to turn for another pass, we could see the peppering impacts. the Gnugs finished them and turned for the next wave.**

**More incoming... at least two new waves.**

**"Sir, at least one of the enemy corvettes is firing missiles."**

**"All weapons target the missile corvette."**

**"Acquired and firing..."**

**Tactical zoomed his sights in on the target and we all watched. The first volley ripped plate just above his torch bay. Another volley of ours slashed away his main shield plate. Rounds from the Gal'taan and Somat N'cal began to land, shattering the inertial stabilizer. Debris appeared amid flames, then the next volley hit something critical and it exploded into a bright blue orb.**

**The bridge went wild. Kids scoring the winning point at shol'oc are not more jubilant.**

**"Got 'em!"**

**"Man, we're good!"**

**"Ayyeee, gollllllllllll!"**

**"Yessssssss!"**

**"Ok, people, let's make it two..."**

**...**

**Between our group and the Gnugs, we were having a field day. We had not even been fired on. The nosha was being repaired by a healer and the Son'ya was all but untouched. It seemed like shooting dogfish in a carrel.**

**...**

**"Sir, there are six hyperspace pings behind us."**

**"Group 7, guard Mothership, flank speed."**

**"Sir, they are big, but I don't see mass cannons..."**

**A brilliant white bolt seared our watching eyes.**

**"The Mothership is under attack..." how could Karan sound so calm?**

**FI chimed in, "analysis shows the charged particle weapon is an ion beam. Group seven, your armor will hold against several direct hits. We need all the ships we can get, do what you need to to help the Acquirers."**

**"Yes, Sir," Commander Arriel replied, then to us, "look sharp, crews."**

**I could see pairs of the newly designated "Acquirer" class salvage corvettes rising beneath the things. The enemy frigate to our right began to pivot down, obviously to try to target the oncoming pair.**

**"Na'gaehl, cut across the attacking beam frigate at 2 by 3, draw their fire so those Acquirers can slip up safely."**

**"Yes, Ma'am."**

**"Ops, evasive. Steer, cross right under its nose."**

**"Yes, Sir."**

**"Sir?"**

**"We can take the heat, Steer, just get us in-between that ion thing and those Aquirers.**

**"Yes, Sir."**

**As we drew close, we could see large solar panels unfolding, then the lightning bolt blasting out not a hundred meters in front of us. The Acquirer was on fire, but survived the blast.**

**"Group nine, under attack. We could use some help here, fleet."**

**"Na'gaehl to Acquirer under fire, hang in there, we're coming."**

**The ion craft continued to track, even as we slid under the massive weapon opening. Her crew must not have noticed or the weapon was on automatic, because two seconds later...**

**"Na'gaehl under attack!"**

**"Good job, Steer. now keep us under that nose for another 10 seconds."**

**"Hull integrity field at 78%."**

**"Damage report."**

**"Hull is dissipating the heat so far, Sir. Some panel damage in plate sector 3."**

**"Aft antenna arrays are fried, switching to aux array."**

**"Environmental overload in..."**

**"It's firing again, Sir."**

**"The Acquirers are past us, Sir."**

**"Steer, 500m on 2 by 3, now!"**

**"Yes, Sir!"**

**...**

**We had no more trouble from that ion array frigate, or from any of the other five that had hyperspaced in. A token group of strike craft showed up, but the Gnugs dispatched them before we could get involved. It looked like fleet must be pouring resources into the Acquirers, because there had to be at least 12 to grab all six of those frigates at the same time.**

**We had a new frigate class craft floating down from the greatship foundry, our own ion cannon frigate: ICF-704, the Chach Bok.**

**"Chach Bok clear and under own power."**

**"Chach Bok, coordinate with Commander Arriel of group seven."**

**"Group seven, reinforced."**

**"Commander Hafed of Kiith Soban to Commander Arriel. May peace guide you."**

**"Commander Hafed, may battle be your servant. Contact on staff secure zeta zeta 24."**

**We watched as the ion array frigates rose, one by one, into refit position within Mothership. They returned just minutes later with emergency refits and our own crews; I wondered how odd the craft must seem to them. Another ion cannon frigate floated down and was added to our group.**

**...**

**"Group seven now also assigned to group eight."**

**"Group eight designated."**

**What? main vid showed dual grouping numbers. Ops looked up at me with a puzzled look that must have equaled mine.**

**Commander Arriel came on, "group eight, comms open secure 8, monitor secure 7."**

**"Sir, does she mean have both secure 7 and secure 8?"**

**"I think so, Ops. Only... well, we are communicating right now on eight. Let's try that."**

**"Yes, Sir"**

**"Somat N'cal on sec 8."**

**"Na'gaehl on sec 8."**

**"Gentlemen, Fleet has sighted a Turanic raider carrier. We are to move beneath it and prepare to attack. Group eight, 'x' formation on my position, evasive at tactic. Once formed, group move to 25km on my 12 by 3."**

**...**

**We arrived, then repositioned some more until the stationary carrier just out of visual right overhead. Unexpectedly, it started to move.**

**"Target leaving 0 by 12, do we reposition?"**

**"Sir, it is moving on an intercept course with Mothership!"**

**FI broke in, "group 8, move to visual on your target."**

**"Roger, green line confirmed"**

**We pivoted, accelerated, and rose slightly. There it was, big, ugly, with two ion arrays pretending to guard it.**

**"Group seven, attack that carrier. Aggressive stance."**

**…..**

**There is not much to tell. We all locked on to the carrier. The enemy arrays finally locked on to us. Four Acquirers that had been lurking beneath us locked on to them.**

**The carrier fired on Mothership. Two new "Faithful" class support frigates repaired the damage. Our six arrays and the two ICF joined us in systematically obliterating the carrier's integrity field. About the time it began to spout flames and debris smoke, it turned as if to make a run for it... needless to say, it did not make it. We were all rocked by the energy wave when it exploded.**

**…..**

**The doctors are back, they need to apply the healing waves to my face and arm again. They say it will hurt, but that I should be ready for duty within 12 hours because of it.**

**Ok. I don't need pain killers, they are for wimps. I know pain control.**

**Suddenly, I discover that I'm trying to remember my pain control training... it seems useless and insignificant next to this. Never trust a doctor when he says it won't hurt. NEVER reject medicine when he says it will.**


	4. Revenge

**inauguration + 4 (continued)**

**The doctor looked down at me. I couldn't tell if his expression was pity or satisfaction, but it was uncomfortable.**

**"Next time I advise painkillers, I suggest you heed my advice."**

**"Yes, Sir," I groaned.**

**"Did you know that in assisting Fleet Intelligence we have discovered that we get answers from the enemy much quicker if we wound them quickly then the heal them slowly?"**

**Great, healing as torture, what will we think of next?**

**"No, Sir, I did not know."**

**"Actually, you did pretty well; they usually pass out in the first five minutes and the questioners have to induce consciousness. You lasted almost 20 minutes."**

**"Am I ready to go now, Sir?"**

**"Relax, Lieutenant, you have nowhere to go, at least for the next few hours."**

**"Nowhere? But my ship..."**

**"I have been told that Fleet will brief you once you are released. If there are no complications, you will be released in about four hours. Sit back and read a good book. Oh, NO sim time until release."**

**...**

**So much for playing with any of the combat training sims. Then i reread my last entry and realized that i had stopped kind of in the middle of the story. back to inauguration + 2...**

**…..**

**The victory over the turanic raiders had been very lopsided. We now had eight ion array frigates, and had only lost three mits. How could these lame forces have taken down the whole Kushan missile defense? They couldn't even formulate reasonable attack strategies.**

**…..**

**Staff was all recalled to a briefing at 1045 that told us who our enemies really were. The raiders were only mercenaries for a vast galactic empire called the Taiidan. AF-T like the Na'gaehl were actually Taiidani ships, part of a larger fleet that had actually destroyed Kharak. Some of the prisoners claimed we had violated some kind of treaty that was 4000 cycles old.**

**Somehow, we had found out where the main body of that villainous Taiidan fleet was likely to be. Ok, now i can guess how, but i didn't know then.**

**...**

**"I do not need to tell you that now is our time for revenge!" Admiral Kaleed Soban-sa trumpeted.**

**I was sure it was my imagination, but I thought I heard martial music start faintly in the background.**

**"The survival of our people is squarely in our hands! YOU are the fist to strike terror into the hearts of these fiends!" This time it was fleet admiral Qu'men Naabal-sa, my own -sa, who raised the tone further.**

**Now I was sure, there WAS music coming slowly up in the background. reminded me of the stuff that followed pilot recruitment ad-vids.**

**"We shall sweep them away like dust pouuz from the foldan floor!" Ok, General Jesh Gaalisen-sa took his turn to stir us up.**

**I looked around and realized that it was working. Most of the combat officers around me were sitting taller, showing teeth, and nodding vigorously. Next should be Fleet Intelligence Admiral Hollor Patku-sa...**

**"We know this enemies weaknesses! We shall swim through them like sandsharks through a dune! GLORY WILL BE OURS!"**

**With the final flourish, we were all to our feet, cheering and pounding our tables.**

**"Staff, are we ready?" It was Karan... Her voice should have been anticlimactic, that calm, subdued, charming voice... instead, we all went wild.**

**"KUSHAN! KARAN! KUSHAN! KARAN!" The whole chamber took the shouting up. It lasted for four full minutes, only stopping when Karan herself interrupted.**

**"Please, save the emotion for battle. Are we ready?"**

**"YESSS!" I think half the Mothership must have vibrated when we answered.**

**"Staff and crews to your ships. Prepare for hyperspace."**

**...**

**I returned to the Na'gaehl. The last few minutes of our meeting had been broadcast to our crews as well. They were as pumped up as we were, ready to kill Taiidani. Ready to avenge fathers and mothers, wives and husbands, sons and daughters. Ready to shed the poisonous blood of the vile callused murderers. Ready to pound anything and everything into submission. Ready to prove to the galaxy that WE, the KUSHAN, ARE GOING HIIGARA! **

**…..**

**Hyperspace in an assault frigate is vastly different from the experience docked in Mothership. Louder than the engines, the craft groans like a she-spirit and creaks like old men's bones. I had never figured out what the ancient travelers meant about the song of the sand schooners in a storm, but i believe i understand now. it seemed to last forever, then it went suddenly quiet as the waveform gate opened and we passed through.**

**...**

**"Hyperspace successful."**

**"Group seven to wall formation, aggressive stance; move 15km on 12 by 4 from Mothership point."**

**"Sir, I have no contacts."**

**"Could it be a trap?" i wondered aloud to no one in particular.**

**As if to answer, Fleet Intel came on, "... the Taiidan fleet could be hiding in the denser portions..."**

**"Group eight reassigned."**

**"Group seven assault frigates, cancel comms on secure eight, return to secure 7."**

**"Na'gaehl on sec 7, mam."**

**"Somat N'cal on sec 7, mam."**

**…..**

**I had a strange feeling, and called down to Jo'ha's quarters. "Ensign Jo'ha, report." **

**After a minute of so, Jo'ha came on, "Yes, Sir?"**

**"I need you in the EBB, Jo'ha."**

**"When, Sir?"**

**"NOW, Ensign. Do you have a problem with that?"**

**"Um, well, er... Yes, Sir. I mean no, Sir." The disappointment in Jo'ha's voice was palpable.**

**We could barely make out the woman's voice in the background, "what? are your leaving? do you have to go now?" I could see Steer and Ops exchange a knowing look.**

**"On my way, Sir."**

**...**

**Nothing showed up. To say the least, it was a letdown. We sat.**

**Finally, Fleet ordered the Nosha and the Son'ya to harvest, then sent the Gnugs for support. The Nosha auto acquired resources from the closest dustcloud belt. **

**At about 30km from us, one of the Nosha's alarms went off. The Gnug crews were apparently startled and there was an accidental discharge of one or more weapons in the Nosha's general direction. FI ordered everyone back to a position 0 by 12 of ours.**

**It was decided that one of the Nosha's long-range metal detectors had malfunctioned, so they sent them all back out. The Nosha auto-acquired a different dust column and began the long process of "eating" them.**

**By now, two new ICF had joined our wall and we were feeling pretty good. Behind us, two Faithfuls joined us for support, so we were feeling even better.**

**At about 33km out, the Nosha reported: she could see the Taiidan fleet, the markings matched those from the recordings, and... it was headed our way.**

**The time had come...**

**...**

**"Group seven, move 15km on 12 by 3. Evasive tactics."**

**"Yes, Sir."**

**"Red alert."**

**"Yes, Sir."**

**"Group six is under attack."**

**"Group three is taking fire."**

**"You should hear those Gnug jocks, sir. They are having a blast, this should be easy..."**

**"Keep your mind on you job, ops. Watch for slower targets."**

**...**

**A wave of strike craft came roaring out of the heavens above us, unleashing a rain of bright projectiles at one of the top ion arrays. the faithfuls began to provide energy for the ship's integrity fields...**

**...**

**"Group seven, under attack. We need some assistance here"**

**the Gnugs had spotted enemy assault frigates.**

**"Group seven, attack enemy af target at 7km on your 1:30 by 2:15."**

**"Group seven, under way."**

**...**

**A second pass from the bombers sent rounds onto three other ships, but the Gnugs appeared before any further damage was done. As the bombers were each consumed in their own brilliant little infernos, I was reminded of the cyclical fireworks off scaffold.**

**From ahead of us, we could just see five ships abreast. They were wheeling around to fire on the Gnugs and seemed to have missed our approach. **

**"Group seven, aggressive stance, fire at will."**

**"Group seven, target the rightmost assault, sync fire NOW!"**

**All fifteen craft opened fire at once, and the enemy crew likely never knew what hit them.**

**"Aayyyyeeee ggggoooOOOOOLLLLLL!"**

**"That's for momma!"**

**"DIE you Taiidani scum!"**

**"AAAWWWW, YESSSSSSS!"**

**The bridge was ecstatic.**

**"Group seven, target the rightmost af, fire at will."**

**We were already firing on the target, but it lasted six seconds longer, this time.**

**"Sir, our Ions are forming their own wall and pulling back towards Mothership."**

**"Group seven, reassigned. Reform wall formation. Evasive tactics. Watch for the Acquirers, we could use more ships."**

**...**

**Four more Taiidan AF cruised up in what appeared to be a broad formation. not the best tactical organization, but here we were, trapped in a wall with slow moving arrays. We just happened to be pointed towards them. All seven arrays fired at once and the first of the af was ripped apart. We were pounding the next af when the arrays locked on and destroyed it.**

**All around us, squadrons of Mits and Gnugs blasted at enemy strike craft. Behind us, the Acquirers lurked, waiting for more capital prey.**

**From below the surviving Taiidan AF, we saw the next wave coming. They had long protrusions like barnath snouts and showed no sign of mass cannon. Then we saw one open fire on an Acquirer and realized that the Taiidani ion cannons can come in smaller packages than ion arrays... faster too, from the look of them.**

**"Group nine under attack," the doomed pilot called, moments before his craft disappeared into a flash in open space.**

**"Group seven, attack those ion frigates," came Fleet's order. Never mind that we were occupying two enemy af.**

**the arrays folded their panels and began the laborious process of turning to meet the new challenge.**

**"Group seven assaults, comms to secure 7.2"**

**"Yes, Ma'am."**

**"Those arrays are SLUGS!" Commander Arriel screamed the moment we were on the new frequency. Her voice exploded furiously through comm, "Group seven af, 'x' formation, all fire target the main reactor area of the leftmost ion frigate NOW! Move while attacking 1km on 2 by 4:15."**

**We swept beneath the slower Taiidan ion frigate, pummeling it as we moved. Flames began to pour through the hull ruptures as it and it's companions slowly wheeled to track us.**

**"Group seven af, evasive! Move while firing 500 meters on 9 by 9:30"**

**"Watch your 6, Gaal'tan."**

**"Somat N'cal under attack. We need some help here."**

**20 Gnugs slashed past to pack an "x" of taiidan fighters into exploding balls as fusion cores succumbed to their pounding. Above us the bottom of our hapless target exploded; moments later their core went critical and vaporized the hull. The whole bridge crew cheered again.**

**"Group seven, large capitol ships just spotted, we need you to divert their attention so the Acquirers can get close enough to get them."**

**Commander Arriel replied, "roger, on our way."**

**...**

**Fleet Intelligence did not know what to expect. Neither did we. We moved to pivot out of position directly in front of those monsters, only to be fired on anyway. Unlike the ion frigates, these craft had two ion beams that could pivot at least a little. Though much bigger, they seemed at least as maneuverable as their ion frigates. Moreover, they had mass cannon like ours and were already pounding on us. Now the two of them turned their full attention on us.**

**"Group seven, under attack. We could really use some help here." Commander Arriel sounded strained as if she knew what was happening before my Ops called out, "Sir, enemy ion frigates are attacking!"**

**"AF to 6 by 6, 2 km, evasive, NOW! WHERE the HELL ARE THE ARRAYS?! fleet, WE NEE..."**

**"Assault frigate lost."**

**The Gaal'tan was gone. There was no time to think about it.**

**"Steer, take us 6 by 10, three km, NOW! Tactical, hit that ion that just acquired the Somat N'cal."**

**"Yes, Sir."**

**"Yes, Sir."**

**16 Gnugs pouncing on the ion frigates pursuing us were the most beautiful sight I thought I had ever seen.**

**"Yeeee haawwwww," the radio cackled as one frigate became a bright blue fireball.**

**...**

**I remember the lancing white light. The destroyers had locked on to us next. The bridge exo-plating glowed hot as the Na'gaehl's frame buckled under the intense heat. I heard screams and an explosion to my left. The hull integrity field fell below 10%. The last thing I remember is the searing, penetrating, blinding light... until I woke up here.**

**I have been told that had the Acquirers locked on to the Taiidani destroyers just a few seconds later, we would all have been among the honored dead. As it was, our reactor core containment field had a .5 nanosecond antiflux; long enough to vaporize my engineering staff, including Bohan. On the bridge I lost my young ops when his equipment exploded and my tactical officer when his pod got so hot that he was cremated. Everyone else from my bridge is still in either critical condition or intensive care.**

**Nevertheless, all of Kushan celebrates: we have defeated the remnants of the fleet that had destroyed Kharak. **

**In the engagement we lost the Gaal'tan, 3 ion arrays, seven Gnugs, 3 Acquirers, 6 Mits and a probe. what we gained, however, was stunning: a carrier, 2 destroyers, an ion frigate, 2 assault frigates, and 2 resource collectors.**

**…..**

**Jo'ha is now a Lieutenant. He has been credited with saving the Na'gaehl's crew single-handedly from his post in the EBB after everyone on the command bridge was incapacitated or incinerated; he has been given command of one of the our ICF. Lieutenant shomace was also promoted for a maneuver with the Somat N'cal that saved 3 of the Acquirers capturing a destroyer; he now commands that very destroyer, the Khar Arriel.**

**...**

**"Lieutenant Pa'drag. I am glad to note that you are doing better. Your crew had asked that I express their concern for you. We have prayed for your swift recovery."**

**"Thank you, Ma'am."**

**"I order you to stop writing your memoirs for now and rest."**

**"Yes, Ma'am."**

**It was Karan. Speaking to me. I can be tired now.**

**Had asked? What did that mean?**


	5. Who Are We?

_(ooc: doing a slight rewrite while I go through for caps and other stuff I was careless about or could care less about in the original writing. I am also bringing it into first person present tense (more fitting for this narrative anyway). I will go back and similarly update the previous chapters as I find time)_

**Inauguration + 4 (continued):**

**This time, when I wake, there are no doctors, just a grinning Lieutenant Jo'ha trying to gently shake me awake. Gentle may have been his intent, but pain refuses gentleness.**

**"I'll tell you anything, just don't torture me more," I moan while trying to fake a big grin.**

**I do not get the reaction I expect: Jo'ha's face falls. He looks suddenly very tired, very tired indeed.**

**And now, he looks away, "please do not even joke about such things."**

**I know I have hit a nerve, but don't understand why.**

**"I was just joking, man, lighten up."**

**"You will understand soon enough."**

**"Sorry, Jo'ha..."**

**"She asked that I come get you."**

**"She?"**

**"Karan, er, Fleet Command."**

**...**

**It occurs to me after I have dressed and am walking a long cool corridor with Jo'ha that Karan had taken on a special role for all of us. She is now more than a voice or a rallying point, she is also the lost woman in our lives: the mother we will never see again, the sister who stuck by kiith at her own expense, the lover who soothed our passions, the daughter that brought us such fulfilling joy.**

**We walk on in silence, but my thoughts cry out. No one had expected to leave the loved ones on Kharak so quickly, much less to lose them completely. We had no shuttles to the sand traps, no Patku train in the cool, no chance to even whisper goodbye that one last time. We all had been so sure that we would be back and that the partings would have been what they should be. In the quiet, I am reminded of the true words: "tomorrow is not in our hands, only today."**

**We enter a large hall. To call it ornate is to do the workmanship a great injustice; there is more marble and statuary than I remembered in the museum at Riies and gold leaf adorns almost everything. To my right is a large dais glimmering with three obsidian podiums with legions of chairs in orderly rows facing them. A large group of officers stands talking on the platform, but they turn and walk towards us as we reach the center isle.**

**"Glad you could make it, Lieutenant Pa'drag," Captain Solch'na of Kiith S'jet speaks first. "Remember me?"**

**"Well, yes, Sir. You commanded the Nosha at Inauguration."**

**"Very good lieutenant."**

**"Good afternoon, Lieutenant Pa'drag." I nearly faint... it is Fleet Admiral Qu'men Naabal-sa. Second in my mind only to the voice of Karan herself, my own -sa is greeting... me!**

**"May Hiigara be your place of peace," I say while bowing deeply.**

**"May you grow old there," he replies. "Come to the dais, young man."**

**…..**

**I have received the Star of Kharak for my role commanding the Na'gaehl when we cut off the Turanic ion array from its shot at the wounded Porter. I have also received the new "Karan's Heart" for injuries suffered in battle.**

**The pomp and ceremony is seriously not my style, but I sense that the show is more for some other audience than myself. I suspect that vid displays are everywhere and that many watched. I had had no speech prepared; I simply thanked my crew and spoke the names of those I knew who were lost or wounded. Others receive decorations also and I am glad for them.**

**The presentation ends and I am led into a side chamber. Seven officers settle around the table, including Captain Solch'na and Jo'ha.**

**Captain Solch'na begins, "How do you feel, Lieutenant?"**

**"As well as can be expected, sir."**

**"First the bad news."**

**"Sir?"**

**"This afternoon, after jumping to what we thought would be a safe location, the Na'gaehl was destroyed in a collision with a very large asteroid. Very few of your original crew were on board, but all who were died instantly."**

**What? Now things from earlier in the afternoon make more sense.**

**The captain continues, "you must honor them in your own way later. Lt. Jo'ha has to return to his ship. Since we now have no ship for you to command, I require your assistance in prisoner debrief."**

**Ah, the politically correct title for interrogation and torture: prisoner debrief.**

**"Yes, Sir."**

**...**

**The Taiidanis are very like us: humanoid with no fangs or claws. Many are young. The officers, however, are all hoary headed silver-beards. Their eyes are cold; even in defeat, they look merciless. I joined the Captain in a "question" room where we have an officer the crew had identified as first officer on the newly renamed and refitted destroyer Ma't Noc.**

**Somehow, we have developed translation software... whether it was the Bentusi or my suspicion that it was with "help" from the young Taiidani crews. The Captain begins by offering me a large jutna with especially large barbs. When I refuse, he simply slams it into the officer's leg. The man winces briefly, but otherwise refused to acknowledge the attack. Then a doctor appears with a healing shell and my stomach flips as the victim screams.**

**The doctor stops and questioning begins.**

**"Do you understand what we have done?" the Captain asks him.**

**"You will get no answers, exile." The scream that follows is horribly effective... well, at least i feel ready to throw up.**

**"Do you understand what we have done?" the Captain repeats.**

**"I rejoice in your certain annihilation." There are more screams.**

**"Do you understand what we will do to you?" The captain calmly asks him.**

**"You are mere..." and more screams.**

**"I don't believe you understand me."**

**"Go F..." interrupted by screams.**

**...**

**I run down the hall to a men's room. I vomited violently. I fall to the floor sobbing. I had to get away.**

**What are we becoming? Is this how we treat prisoners?**

**"I am sorry you had to see that, Lieutenant." It is Karan S'jet.**

**"How can we do such things?" I plead to her through the echoing mens-room.**

**"You are a gentle person in a violent galaxy. However, your humanity is your greatest strength."**

**"Please don't make me go back."**

**"I am sorry, Lieutenant, but without the compassionate there, imagine for a moment what we might sink to."**

**She is right, of course. It does not make going back any easier, but she is right.**

**"Yes, Ma'am."**

**…..**

**I endure six more hours of the torture chambers (there, I have written it, court martial me if you must). The original officer told the captain everything he wanted to know. Well, at least everything the poor soul knew. In the end, after begging to die for almost three hours the captain granted his wish. an overdose of painkiller was administered and the man crumpled over.**

**Now, we have the ancient captain of the same destroyer. He had personally ordered our ships destroyed. He was directly responsible for deaths in my crew and the destruction of the Gal'taan. I am tired, but I am far, far more angry. THIS is a heartless villain and I just want to make him SUFFER.**

**I take a flight glove from my potnok, put it on, and begin to punch him in the face.**

**Thud. Thump. THND. Thudd. Thmp.**

**Slowly, methodically, i pound him. Just before I strike each blow, I say the name of one of my crew or of the Gal'taan's. After each blow, I have the doctor slowly heal him.**

**I come to Bohan's name... THDDD CRKKK! I strike him so hard that his jaw shatters. Then, while the healing wave was on, he passes out.**

**The doctor hands me a syringe and I wake the prisoner. Through it all, he say nothing other than to holler in agony every time the wave begins.**

**Suddenly, I remember Karan's voice in my head "... without the compassionate there, imagine for a moment what we might sink to." My anger lifts and I take the glove off.**

**I smile.**

**I ask him about his family. His joys. His life.**

**In ten minutes, he is crying. I have discovered that this hardened warrior (Mizpha Mitshan is his name) has one significant weakness: his grandchildren and great grandchildren. By the time he is done talking, I knew that the Taiidani are rather like ourselves. The warriors are merciless in battle, the women are fantastic lovers, young men boast and brag and children love to play.**

**He has told me about his harem, 17 mates ranging from his first (now 143 cycles old) down to his newest, just eighteen cycles and already very pregnant.**

**Then he spoke about the empire, his empire, the Taiidan empire. He believes it is corrupt. The emperor himself is maniacal and deranged; he has held the throne since his father died over a thousand cycles ago. No one dares question him and he is easily the nastiest emperor in ten thousand cycles. They do not love their leader, his people only fear him and the secret police that protect him. There is no respect. There is no real honor.**

**His disgust is obvious and he says that many feel the same way.**

**"If it is so bad, why do you support him?" I ask.**

**"When you are young, you believe much. The empire seems right because it is all you have known. As you get older, you deny much. The empire could not do wrong because the alternative must be chaos. Besides, it is now the environment that your children believe in. Only in trauma do you admit to the questions... only when you face death and realize you have so much to live for... only when you see an alternative."**

**His eyes focus on mine and his expression is almost puzzled, "why do you care about such things?"**

**"It is who we are."**

**"Nonsense. You are like us."**

**As if to punctuate his comment, a blood-clotting scream comes from the room next to us.**

**"Perhaps, in our anger, some of us are. You swept away a whole planet of our families."**

**"I am sorry now, but those were my orders. Had your trials at your construction platform lasted 10 minutes longer, you would have died with them," It is a blunt statement of fact.**

**Behind him, I see movement. A high ranking nurse walks towards us, pulls out an empty syringe, jabs it into a vein in Mizpha's arm and pushes the plunger in completely in just a few seconds. He looks puzzled for a moment, then grabs at his chest.**

**I am shouting at her, "What have you done?!"**

**"I am sanitizing this room, Lieutenant... in memory of my husband," her voice has the edge of a blade. "There is no antidote for a large air bubble once it reaches the heart," she continues, matter-of-factly. She checks for his pulse or lack thereof, turns and walks out.**

**...**

**Mizpha has died fairly quickly. Compared to what he might have suffered, I guess he died fairly well.**

**The captain dismisses me. I wander to the patient rooms to look for any of my old crew, but they have been released already. There is a big party going on in the crew quarters, but i do not go... I feared I would dampen it, being an officer and all.**

**I have wandered for several hours, finally settling into the one of my favorite training sims (it is actually for surface commanders): "Total Obliteration." I sat and played against unknown opponents for several more hours, until I was so tired that I could not think. Only then did I realize that I have nowhere to go.**

**"Lieutenant Pa'drag," Karan's voice fills my head. For a long moment, I am sure I have dreamed it.**

**Then she repeats herself, "Lieutenant Pa'drag."**

**"Yes, Ma'am?"**

**"You are tired. You need some rest. I have given you room 3478c overlooking the bridge in the reserve officers quarters."**

**How does she do that? How does she know?**

**"Third lift on the right, instruct it to ROQ."**

**"Yes, Ma'am. And thank you."**

**"You are welcome. Good rest, Lieutenant."**

**...**

**The quarters really do have a spectacular view. From the clear portals, I can see that I stand just behind and to the left of the bridge, close enough to enjoy the lights, but far enough to see the stars beyond.**


	6. Lights of Sajuuk

**The nightmares have come back. In addition to the recurrent theme of my father being eaten alive, there are two new ones. **

**In the first, I am sitting somewhere on or near the wreckage of Scaffold. Out in space, very cold, just watching the consuming fire on Kharak. It is horribly lonely, I just watch and feel nothing else. **

**In the second, I see Commander Arriel dressed as a bride, sitting in command on the Gaal'tan. I am strapped to something I can not see. First, Mizpha comes and punches her repeatedly, then my doctor comes and heals her, and while she is screaming, Captain Solch'na hacks at her with an impossibly long spined jutna. I try to cry out, but no words come. suddenly the captain turns on me, only now he has fangs and claws. Unexpectedly, I am free too, but I also have fangs and claws. I can not take this, I growl and slash out at him, but when my hands reach him I have only fingers. He is ready to pounce, but at that point I wake screaming.**

**I don't feel rested, but dare not go back to sleep. I can not tell if it is still off watch, there is no activity around the bridge. The idea of the solar days seems to be slipping away. I know that Captain Solch'na will likely send for me in just a few hours, but don't know what to do about it.**

**...**

**"Lieutenant Pa'drag of Kiith H'ar to tactical bridge."**

**I rise, dress, and find my way.**

**"Lieutenant Pa'drag, reporting as ordered."**

**"Good morning, Lieutenant Pa'drag," a Naabal security officer welcomes me, then motions for me to follow. "Qu'men Naabal-sa will see you now," he intones, then swings open a curiously carved portal and exposes the stars.**

**...**

**I have never seen a place of such beauty aboard any of our ships. Riding the high prow of the bridge structure, this deck is all polished obsidian and transparent dome. It looks out at the fleet with a view that stretches from the floorline up and back over my head. Above and behind us are a myriad lights, but out before us are the stars. I know it seems a cliche to say I can almost touch them, but I had never felt so close.**

**There were no lights on within the deck itself. I look around in the dim half-light and realize that there are three other people in the room, all seated along the wall, looking out. There is also the faint glimmer of a holoform, but it is obvious the holo's brightness had been turned down for this setting.**

**"What do you see, lieutenant?"**

**"I see the stars. I see the future before us. I wish we were already there."**

**"Wait, you will see greater things. Please sit, we must talk, but it can wait."**

**I can't tell which of them spoke, but I walk to one of the empty chairs and sit. Now I can see clearly that one of the three was indeed Qu'men Naabal-sa. With him sits a woman admiral of Kiith S'jet and a woman in regal civilian clothes. The holoform appears to be of a younger woman, perhaps ten cycles my senior.**

**Before us, space is suddenly alive with a brilliant flowing wall. It is a shimmering beauty that I seem to see for the first time. The hyperspace waveform begins to move towards us, through us, beyond us. **

**Now space takes on a rippling electrical form. Arourae flow around us in colors Sajuuk alone could have created. I sit transfixed; my eyes do not seem big enough to take it all in. Above me, Mothership glows like a sapphire in a laser beam. Occasionally, ribbons of light flow right at us, seemingly splashing on the dome not five meters before my face. **

**The lights are like music for my eyes. It ripples with truths too deep for my mind to grasp and too beautiful for me to look away. ****I sit enchanted for the whole trip. I had never seen the likes of this in our jumps on the Na'gaehl; electrical sensors must not pick it up, because all we ever saw in our displays was unending blackness.**

**I see the waveform coming and suddenly we were back in normal space. Could it be a trick of my eyes, or is this also a place of light and wonder?**

**...**

**"We are in the nebula. Fleet Inteligence just reported that they are having to recalibrate their sensors to compensate for extraordinary power and resource levels. There appear to be enemy trace pings, but it may just be sensor overload. What are your orders, Qu'men?" It is the holoform speaking in a voice I would know anywhere.**

**"KARAN!" I fall to my knees, lower my eyes, and put my palms to the floor.**

**"Sit up, Pa'drag," she orders. "I am not an object of worship. Only the One, Sajuuk, deserves such; I accept your honor, but this is not right."**

**She is correct, of course, but I feel small and worm-like next to her. What is happening to the established order of things? How do I come to be here with Qu'men and the form of Karan?**

**"Order the fleet to readiness, we will do nothing until FI gives us a better picture of our situation," Qu'men instructs.**

**"Son, you have vision," Qu'men speaks now to me. "We have need of vision."**

**"I am T'na of S'jet, we have watched you for days now. Captain Solch'na's reports agree with Karan's. You are a thinker in a time of emotional response. You are a person who questions choices but understands something of honor. Your loyalties are strong but not above your conscience. You are a young man of peace beyond your years who can respond decisively in battle. Is this not true?"**

**"It seems true, Ma'am, but I have seen an ugliness in me..."**

**"Did you remain in that ugliness?"**

**"No, Ma'am. I was disgusted with it..."**

**"That is a measure of greatness."**

**"I agree," Qu'men says. "Son, we have a long way ahead to go Hiigara. We need leaders who can see their way, who will not become the enemy just to defeat them."**

**"Are you up for a new challenge?" Karan asks.**

**I could never say no to her. "Yes, Ma'am."**

**"We are finishing research on a super capitol ship drive that will allow us to build a destroyer to our own specifications. Would you like to command it?"**

**"A week ago I was just Steersman on a collector. Are you sure you want me?"**

**Qu'men stands. "Son, do you think you can handle this?"**

**Karan's shimmering face smiles as she nods and looks at me.**

**"If I have both of your confidence, I know I can do anything."**

**"Full promotion to Commander. Congratulation's Pa'drag of H'ar," Karan says. "Report to the command simm on deck fourteen of the greatship foundry. Judging by current research progress, construction will begin on your ship shortly."**

**"Yes, Ma'am. Good day, ladies and sir," i saluted. "may your joy be complete wherever you are."**

**"And may you find the truth of contentment." Karan replies. "Good day, Commander."**

**...**

**I stride down the halls. I am wisked by lifts. I am escorted by security. I arrive at my simm. All the while, I am stunned by the honor handed me. Ok, stunned is not the word, but I have no words to express the magnitude of what they entrusted me with.**

**...**

**"Karan, can you hear me?" I asked the empty room.**

**"Yes, Pa'drag. What do you need?"**

**"Do you have a name that you would like honored?"**

**"For the new ship?"**

**"Yes, Ma'am."**

**"I would chose a name in honor of our people. However, I have to go now, you will need to decide."**

**"Thank you for your guidance, Ma'am."**

**"You are welcome, pa'drag."**


End file.
